I had tea today with Joyce and a pastor’s wife at Coffee Club Raffles City.  The café was packed and there were no seats for the three of us.  It therefore came as a very pleasant surprise when a couple at a table that could sit four got up, offered their table to us, and moved to a smaller and less comfortable table for two !

Over lunch, I learnt from the pastor’s wife that he had hardly been paid since starting work with his church.  The couple lived off the wife’s salary.  They were not poor, but still it was a not insubstantial sacrifice for the pastor to give up his rather successful sales manager with a five figure salary to enter into ministry.  What a contrast from the Durai saga and, sadly it seems, church leaders who seem inordinately rich.

I don’t think being a Christian, or a Christian leader, means that you have to be poor or that you cannot enjoy some luxuries in life.  But when Christian leaders appear extremely rich (some American TV evangelists especially), they become – fairly or unfairly – the target of criticism.  Is it too much to ask – requiring these leaders sacrifice a little more by living a little more humbly, so that no one has an opportunity to defame the name of God ?  On the other hand, many of these leaders have already made tremendous sacrifices of their time and energy, especially at the beginning of their ministry, shouldn’t they be given some space ? 

I don’t know what the right answer should be.  Perhaps it may be helpful if church leaders think in terms akin to Matthew 6 : 2 - 6, and 16 - 28, that when we have already received our reward in this lifetime (in the context of the passage, praise from men), there won’t be as much of it when we get to heaven.  (A not very theologically correct application of this passage, I concede).

And then there’s also 1 Peter 2 : 12 -

“Live such good lives among non-believers that , though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us”.

Today as I was surfing the internet I came across the livejournal entry of a Christian friend whom I was once close to.  He wrote a poignant entry about the impact the Bible has had to his life, which moved me to reply as follows :

‘Our paths have crossed before and I have been enriched by your friendship and the wisdom that you imparted to me. As usual upon reading what you have to say I am deeply moved by your honesty and your struggles with God.

Quite strangely although we have not always agreed, one aspect of my life journey that has reached the same conclusion as yours is that of the Bible as a living record of other people’s journey with God. Not a record of perfect people leading perfect lives as I suppose many Christians would like to believe, but of imperfect people trying to make sense of their struggles, people trying to reach out to a God who seems so faraway, but whom we know cares about them because the stories of these imperfect people have entered the Scriptures - a permanent reminder that God loves and honours even gasps for faith, inspiring us to do the same when we are drowning.

I pray that although we now walk separate paths because our lives have taken different turns, that your life and words will continue to be a blessing to those you meet, and that at the end "there will be a resurrection and that [our lives] will triumph in Christ".’

Got a compliment from a client today : “Thank you very much… you are so kind and nice”.  (To clarify, the client wasn’t trying to hit on me.  He’s male, married and probably 15 years my senior).

It’s rare to get a “thank you” in my line of work (or maybe it’s the whole workplace culture), and even more rare to get someone who goes beyond the cursory “thanks” or “thank you”, to put in other kind words.  (I can count the times this has happened with the fingers on one hand, and I’ve been working for five years.)

Hasn’t anybody heard of the Proverb “do not withhold good from those that deserve it, when it is in your power to act” (Proverbs 3 : 28)?

Flip through any newspaper or magazine today, and chances are that you’ll find a section on astrology – predicting your future through the alignment of the stars – or advertisements placed by fortune tellers, feng shui experts, tarot readers, etc.  Many of these diviners are consulted daily, and these diviners confidently predict their clients’ futures, and advise them on how to avoid misfortune or increase their fortunes.

What if one day the President or Prime Minister of the country had a bad dream and, in an unlikely fit of eccentricity, invited all these diviners to tell him what his dream was and then interpret the meaning of the dream ?  The consequence of failure : death, banishment or some other punishment as terrible.  Would these diviners rise to the occasion ?

This question arose in my mind today as I read Daniel 2.  King Nebuchadnezzar, Emperor of Babylon, had a bad dream.  And he wanted answers, badly.

“This is what I have firmly decided : If you do not tell me what my dream was and interpret it, I will have you cut into pieces and your houses turned into piles of rubble … if you do not tell me the dream, there is just one penalty for you.  You have conspired to tell me misleading and wicked things, hoping the situation will change.  So then, tell me the dream, and I will know that you can interpret it for me.” (v 5, 9)

With these harsh words, and the threat of death, the (rather eccentric I must say) King challenged all his diviners to prove that the arts that they practised were authentic.

“The astrologers answered the king, ‘There is not a man on earth who can do what the king asks !  No king, however great and mighty, has ever asked such a thing of any magician or enchanter or astrologer.  What the king asks is too difficult.  No one can reveal it to the king except the gods, and they do not live among men.” (v 10 - 11)

No one can reveal it to the king except the gods, and they do not live among men.  But haven’t all these diviners been proclaiming themselves as the mouthpieces of the gods, predicting men’s futures, advising them on how to increase their fortunes and avoid misfortune ?  Their fraud had been exposed.

But there was one God who was real, who revealed Himself to men, and who was able to give those who sought Him the wisdom to answer the King’s question.  This was the God of Daniel (of the Daniel in the lions’ den fame).  And Daniel did indeed correctly tell the King what his dream was, and interpret it.  Convinced that the God of Daniel (who is also the God that Christians worship) was the real thing, the King declared :

“Surely your God is the God of gods and the Lord of kings and a revealer of mysteries, for you were able to reveal this mystery.” (v 47)

Since time immemorial, Man has sought to predict his future, so that he can take control of it.  In Singapore, there has been surge of interest in divining our future.  Walk into a CEO or director’s office, or some corporate HQ, and you are likely to find some feng shui crystal or stone.  Many of our newer buildings (eg. Suntec City) incorporate feng shui elements (and quite elegantly too, I must say).  Tarot card reading is no longer uncommon.  Recently I even saw VCDs on talks given by a feng shui expert on sale at Popular bookstores.

I’m not sure whether we can really predict and / or take control of our future using these.  (And as a Christian I would advise anyone who is thinking of dabbling in these practices against it).  But what I am certain of is that the Bible, in the book of Daniel, has recorded as a historical account (no, Daniel was not a record of a myth or parable, but of events that did actually transpire in history)* an incident when the authenticity of divining was challenged, and exposed as a fraud.  On the other hand, the God of Daniel – the Christian God – proved Himself to be real.

In what should we place our faith in today ?

* Note : I’m aware that some critics have expressed doubts as to whether Daniel is an accurate historical record.  Some have even said that Daniel was “invented”; this person did not actually exist.  While these arguments may have their merits, they do not prove that Daniel did not exist or that the incidents recorded in the book of Daniel did not actually happen (or did not happen as recorded).  Hence I maintain my view that – until there is conclusive proof otherwise – the book of Daniel is an accurate historical record of events that transpired during his life.  Some people also take the view that relying on Daniel as a record of history is tantamount to a self-serving reliance on a religious text to say that history was in fact as recorded in the text.  There are many problems with this argument, which I shall not go into.  Suffice it to say that the fact that Daniel forms part of religious scriptures does not necessarily make it less reliable.  (For example, the fact that the Gospels (the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the Bible) say that Jesus existed – and I’m sure very few people dispute the fact that Jesus did exist as a historical person – does not mean that the Gospels are unreliable as evidence that He did in fact exist).

After a youth ministry meeting in church today Joyce asked if it would be possible for us to continue serving at this pace, especially since we’ll have a baby to look after at the end of the year.  I agreed that it was very tempting to just disappear from ministry when a baby is born – and it seems that almost everyone does that.  At the other extreme will be parents, and quite sadly I notice usually pastors, who neglect their kids because of the demands of ministry.

I believe that as one of the first parents of our generation Joyce and I have the rare opportunity of setting a good standard, establishing a balanced model of parenting where the children are loved while the parents remain active in ministry. 

Will this experiment succeed ?  I don’t know.  I can only trust that God will honour our desire to be faithful to Him.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower.  Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it ?  For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish’ … In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything cannot be my disciple.”
- Luke 14 : 28 - 30, 33

As I was leaving office today one of my colleagues asked what I was going to do tonight.  I said, with what must have been a substantial sigh, that I was going to meet my pastor.  Which prompted him to ask the question – why am I so unenthusiastic about meeting my pastor ?

It was a question I didn’t really have an answer to, but I muttered something about me meeting him pretty often (we’re actually neighbours), and how what I do in church sometimes feels like a second job.

As I was driving to pick Joyce up, I questioned if I was subconsciously unhappy with my position in life. 

Last Saturday I attended the wedding celebration of a JC classmate and I met, in the course of it, lots of my university classmates who seem to be getting ahead in life.  Sure, they’ve sold their soul to their law firms – working their butts till about 2200 or 2300 hours or even past midnight everyday – but there’s the prospect of being made partners, and most are already drawing substantial salaries.

And here I am, in-house, underpaid, not getting promoted, getting nowhere.  Over a year ago, one of my colleagues and I complained to HR about how we’re being paid substantially less than our peers both in firms and in in-house positions.  I sent a chaser three months ago.  They’ve yet to reply.

My colleague, tired of waiting, has moved on to do his masters at Harvard.

And here I am, remaining in-house, underpaid, not getting promoted, getting nowhere.  I asked if staying where I am – with its predictable schedule and time after-office to engage in ministry – is what I really want to do.  Am I willing to pay this price – languishing in a way – and run this race to the finish ?

At home, I related the incident to Joyce and asked if she thought I was subconsciously unhappy or at least tired of church.  She thinks that my behaviour in office was typical of me – more stoic than overtly passionate about the things I do, even if I find them meaningful.  I suppose her opinion is kind of reassuring.

Had a farewell dinner tonight with a platoon mate friend who is going to leave to do his masters in US soon.  He shared how he was totally pissed (his words : “I hate them !”) with two of his “Christian” colleagues who, instead of wishing him well, said that maybe another 9/11 or natural calamity will happen while he was in the US.  This was followed by a comment that maybe my friend could pray to God for help but “… oh, I forgot, you’re not a Christian, so you can’t pray to God”.

I heard a flushing sound play in my head, and saw God’s good name go down the toilet bowl.

I said that I sympathised that he had to put up with such insensitive idiots, and that I wasn’t in the least offended by the fact that he had railed against my “fellow Christians”.  Nobody likes to be “cursed” or told “sway” things (ie. things which superstitious Chinese believe bring bad fortune / luck), whether or not we are superstitious !

Reflecting on what my friend said I think that, superstition aside, many of us do not like to be reminded of “sway” things because we are unable to come to terms with death and other misfortunes that might visit us in life.  Sadly, not reflecting on the possibility that these things might happen, does not change the fact that they might happen. Reflecting on the possibility that these things might happen, on the other hand, makes us painfully aware of our short and frail lives and, for some (hopefully the majority ?), of their need for God.

As forest fires continue to rage in Europe, which is experiencing a particularly dry summer, verse 1 of Zechariah 10 caught my attention while I was reading it for devotions today.

“Ask the Lord for rain in the springtime;
it is the Lord who makes the storm clouds.
He gives showers of rain to men,
and plants of the field to everyone”

At a time when man relies solely on his scientific genius to predict and, as far as possible, control the weather and all other aspects of his life, this passage reminds me that Christians (and all of mankind) need to turn to God for our daily provision.

“He [Christ] is before all things, and in Him hold together.” (Colossians 1 : 17)

He is the God who created all things, the One who holds all of creation together, who established the world that we live in, and the (scientific) laws by which it operates and which we study and hope to master.

“He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5 : 45).

Because He is the Creator, it is by His power that the sun rises and the rain falls, that the seasons come and go in a pattern and not at random.  It is by His power that we live and move and have our being.  Yet many of us go on with our lives as if God does not exist, as if it is solely by our genius and strength that we have achieved our present position in life.  Should we not look to God instead for rain, our daily provision ?

I think I lead a pretty sad life.  I’ve not watched Batman Begins.  Today I wanted to.  But because I misread the movie listings, I ended up at a cinema (Orchard Cineleisure) that had stopped screening the movie (only Causewaypoint is screening Batman now).  So I had to watch War of the Worlds, which was thankfully not a bad show.  Still, I think I’m one of the few souls in Singapore who has not watched Batman Begins.  I think I lead a pretty sad life.

Before we went to bed tonight, Joyce and I talked about Christian mission schools.  Joyce grew up in one (PLMGS) while I did not.

I had previously discussed this with a friend and he felt that these schools tended to produce “Christians” that were presumptuous about their faith – “Christians” who had heard about the Bible and went to chapel so often that they were familiar with Christianity and its forms, but did not know God or realise that they were missing a relationship with Him.  He felt that while mission schools were effective in places where the gospel was relatively new (eg. Singapore 50 – 100 years ago), they had the negative effect of producing a generation of people who were “Christian” in name but not in practice in places where Christianity had already been preached and was widely accepted (eg. Singapore today).

I added that because such schools may take very simplistic (“read your Bible pray every day and grow, grow, grow”), black and white (“everything about Harry Potter is bad”) approaches to increasingly complex life issues, we could potentially be projecting misconceptions about God, raising a generation disillusioned with a faith divorced from reality, or pissed with a preachy and stiflingly irrelevant traditional faith.

Joyce on the other hand, speaking from her personal experience, felt that mission schools were effective in inculcating positive values in its students, whether or not they were or became Christians, because these schools drew their values from religion, which standards are generally higher than that of society’s (I agree).  She also believed that even if a student rejected a Christian message while in school, he / she may be reminded of this message at a later time in his life, and that this will turn that person to God (I think, maybe).  Finally, there will always be people who are hostile to the Christian message, whether or not they are from a mission schools.

Since mission schools were established for the purpose of providing education to the less privileged, and for the secondary purpose of providing some form of Christian education to its students, I also asked, could these schools to set aside more places for less privileged students from the heartlands ?  It may also do the well-heeled kids from already-attending-church families good to mingle with heartlanders from HDB flats, who are less inclined to think of $600,000 as peanuts.

Perhaps these mission schools are constrained by the nationwide system by which students are posted to their schools, or compelled by economic realities (“privileged students tend to excel, and the schools want to have an excellent academic reputation”) not to set aside more places for students from the heartlands.  I don’t know.  But I wish it could be otherwise.

Joyce thinks that we should do our best to ensure that our child gets into a good missions school.  For now, I would prefer my kid to study at a neighbourhood school, where there is no pressure to keep up with the elite / ultra-rich, and where he will mingle, learn to empathise and share his faith with ordinary Singaporeans.

“To the weak I became weak.  I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.” (1 Corinthians 9 : 22).