Dear Melvyn,

Our love and prayers go to the Lord for your dad and your family at such a time like this.  Send our regards to him although we cannot visit him.

Suddenly your responsibility increases apart from your coming marriage. Learn to live by the Word of God esp. claiming I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your cares upon Him for He careth for you and your family". Our regards to your mum. I am sure the Grace of our Lord would be experienced by all of you during this time. Love to Rebecca and Ruth.

Love in Christ,

Uncle Jonathan and Auntie Amy

I’m can’t recall the exact date when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, but it would have been some time in July.  I remember that my colleagues and I had gone to visit a former colleague during lunch time.  He had just been successfully operated on to remove a brain tumour.  Just as we were walking out of hospital, my mother called to break the bad news …

At my Dad’s insistence, I had to draft a “press release” for my sister to read out in church (which is also my previous church) so that his church friends could be updated on his condition (the thought of a "press release" is quite funny, if not for the fact that my Dad is seriously ill; plus you got to applaud my Dad for his courage in the face of this bad news)  :

“Dear church friends,
 
My Dad, Eng Hiong, wishes to send his regards to all of you.  He is grateful for the love, care and concern the church has showed regarding his present state of health.  He is encouraged in particular by the prayer meeting that was held last Saturday night.
 
Since a number of members have been asking how my dad has been doing, he has asked me to give an update.
 
My dad is suffering from a blood disorder (myeloma) and is currently receiving treatment at the Singapore General Hospital Haematology Department. 
 
Such an illness is not remote and it usually afflicts to men and women aged above 50 and 65 years respectively.  On average there are about 50 cases a year in Singapore. 
 
There is no clear medical evidence as to how this disorder is contracted.    It may be described simply as a group of “naughty white cells” that produce high amounts of protein and suppress the production of white cells.
 
This blood disorder is treatable, though it will take between 6 top 9 months for a full recovery.  In the meantime, my dad will not be travelling overseas and will have to avoid strenuous exercise.
 
…
 
Please continue to uphold my dad in prayer.  Pray that the doctors will have the wisdom and skill to provide the appropriate treatment.
 
Should any of you be interested in finding out more about the disorder, my dad will be glad to share his experience with you when he returns to church next week.”

Joyce and I see eye to eye on most, but not all, things.  How Christians should deal with homosexuals / homosexuality is one issue that we can’t really agree on.

While Joyce thinks that I am sympathetic to the point of compromising what the Bible teaches about homosexuality, I think her harsh views on and approach to homosexuality do not demonstrate the grace that Christ wants us to exhibit.

Tonight, we argued over this issue again.  Her reply by SMS : "i will make my way home 2nite. talk 2 me when u have an ans"

Not a positive development, seeing how we are supposed to get married in slightly over a months’ time.

I invited a Christian friend whom I had not communicated with for some time, and who is gay, for our wedding dinner.  Over e-mail, we talked about what had transpired in our lives over the past few months. Amongst other things, he told me that he had reconciled his gayness with his faith, and that he was now in a relationship a gay partner.  He asked where I stood on this issue.

I was quite stunned at the news.  After giving the matter much thought, I realised that, although sympathetic, it would not be appropriate of me to affirm the relationship.  This was my reply :

“Dear [ Friend ],

I hope my tardiness in replying has not caused you distress. I’m happy and honoured to know that you regard me as a friend and that you trust me enough to share your struggles. I too miss the  conversations (mostly over e-mail) that we used to have, and I deeply respect your understanding of God’s word and your desire to honour God in what you do.

Recently, an unmarried friend of mine got into a relationship with a married woman almost 10 years his senior. This was very unexpected. Before this incident, he was respected as a fervent Christian and was being "groomed" for leadership in [ his ] church […]. This incident, as well as my (very limited) experience in prosecuting unrepentant [ offenders ] (who deny wrongdoing even when confronted with proof beyond reasonable doubt), has made sin so much more real to me. I’ve come to realise that no person is so perfect as to be beyond the reach of sin.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and beyond cure. Who can understand it ?" (Jeremiah 17 : 9)

And it is against this backdrop of my imperfect humanity and incomplete understanding of God that I must humbly tell you that I do not think that the Bible condones sexual gay relationships.

I’m aware of how much acceptance of your relationship by others means to you …. [ However, ] I do not think I would be acting in love if I expressly or impliedly show approval by my actions. So if you were to ask me if I would join you and your partner for dinner or any other activity which would amount to an acceptance of your relationship, I’m afraid that I would have to decline. For that reason too, I do not think it will be appropriate to invite your partner to my wedding unless I know him personally in some other capacity.

You said that "I have come to a point where I call people friends only if they will truly affirm me for where I am right now". I’m not sure at which point in your friend-acquaintance continuum I now stand given what I have just said above. However, I wish you to know (as I’m sure you are already aware) that I am not threatened by your gayness. I value your friendship and will not hesitate to join you for the occasional meal to catch up and, should you require, to lend support should you decide break away from this.

I am also praying that the Church in Singapore will be able to deal wisely with this sudden "revelation" that there is a sizable gay community in Singapore. I wonder what was said on the pulpits across the island yesterday, and what will be said on the pulpits over the next few Sundays.  That this is another sign that the end times are fast approaching ? Or will the Church stay silent and pretend that the issue does not exist ? I hope  that their words will confront reality with grace, without resort to verbal lynching and apocalyptic verbiage. 

Like you, my vision is also for a church that can accept people regardless of their sexual orientation (or for that matter, social status, level of education, manner of dressing, etc.). However, our views differ in that I do not believe that acceptance means approval, or de facto acquiescence. Acceptance to me means not rejecting the person because of his values, but engaging him in God’s love with the hope that he will leave his life of sin.

Love-in-Christ”.