The pastor of my previous church e-mailed an elder at my previous church and asked him to start pre-marital counselling (PMC) for me and Joyce.  His intentions were without a doubt good but I think I was kind of upset (to put it nicely) that he had presumed that I would go for PMC sponsored by my previous church.  In one of the rare occassions when I bared fangs, I sent a not too polite reply :

Dear Pastor,
 
I spent a number of days considering how I should respond to your e-mail below, because it has reopened wounds that are still healing, or which are even raw. I apologise if what I have written below comes across as bitter or rude — I do not wish it to sound that way though it is difficult to separate emotions from fact. That aside, I hope that what I write will give you further insight into why I decided to leave [ the church ] and also, something for the Council to reflect on so that necessary action can be taken in look after the needs of couples in the church.
 
Firstly, for most of the 7 years that Joyce and I have been courting, the church — both leaders and my peers — has done very little to show that was truly concerned for us as a couple. Recently, Uncle Kng Yan and Aunty Sui Kum invited us out for dinner. We genuinely appreciate and enjoyed the fellowship that night. However, most of the time we were left to figure out how to work out our relationship, how Joyce could integrate into [ the church ] and how we could serve together in [ the church ] as a couple.
(Many of these questions remain unanswered, which is why I constantly had to divide myself between [ the church ] and my relationship. Joyce herself was unable to commit fully to the ministry in her church. This should not have been ! As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another — a couple in a relationship should be twice as productive, not half as effective, but that was the sad situation that we were in.)
 
Now, after 7 years of "neglect", I am being asked to believe that the church cares for us and, because of that, wants to conduct pre-marital counselling (PMC) for us. Is PMC a mere formality that [ the church ] carries out, because that is what churches should do for couples who get married ? Or, perhaps slightly better, is PMC a case of showing concern too late ?
 
Secondly, I feel that many of my seniors in [ the church ] do not exhibit an ideal family life. Some have children that do not serve actively in ministry. Others have children that do not attend church. Yet others live [ in ] financial imprudence.  If [ the church ] cannot put its house in order, can I trust it to advise me on how I should organise my marriage life ?
 
In saying the above, I recognise that we are also imperfect as Christians, and as a couple. As such, we will be looking for a pre-marriage counsellor in the current church that we are attending regularly.
 
I also wish to say, that Joyce and I have not conclusively decided which church we should settle in. If anyone can see for us a future in [ the church ], we are open to hearing from you.
 
Yours in Christ,
 

Melvyn