At a recent corporate teambuilding event, we were asked to tell a colleague something about ourselves that no one else knew about.  So to my partner (as in teambuilding partner) I said that I was a "closet" — as I paused for dramatic effect and observed with amusement the awkward silence coupled with a look discomfort on my partner’s face that followed — "unconventional", meaning that while externally conventional I am, I think, someone with some rather unconventional personal views.

My partner was visibly relieved, and said later that she thought I was going to come out of the closet.

I’ve discovered as I grow older, that people become more imperfect as they age (I’m not talking about physical wrinkles) and have more skeletons to hide in their closets.  And I’ve noticed that the way people deal with this in the workplace, is to sometimes pretend that a person in question does not have a dubious personal life, and at other times to whisper, giggle and gossip behind that person’s back.

Anyway my point, or rather question, is — how do Christians view such apparent "imperfection" ?  Christians are known for their association with the quote about "loving the sinner, but hating the sin" (which I would clarify, to non-Chrstian readers, is not a quote from the Bible).  But, if confronted face-to-face with a person who comes out of the closet to say that he / she is an alcoholic, adulterer, unwed mother, drug or porn addict or gay, would the response be as "loving" as the quote suggests ?  Unfortunately in Singapore, Christians may be better remembered for the intransigence exhibited by the short-lived Christian executive committee of AWARE, than otherwise.

If the church appears in deed to be more condemning than loving, why would anyone (other than someone who thinks he is perfect, which I think would require quite a measure of self-inflated nonsense) step into a church ?  Or if I am already in a church but struggling with "imperfection", why would I open up about my personal issues and risk overwhelming condemnation ?

*** *** ***

One night about 15 years ago, when I was still serving my full time national service, I had booked out of camp to attend a prayer meeting.  While a short distance away from church I was stopped by a middle-aged man who asked for the time.  Somehow we engaged in further conversation, and it emerged that he was a pimp, and he tried to get me to follow him and check out his girls.  I confess to being tempted to do so, but somehow we both ended up in the church building where I, highly relieved, dumped him on the church leaders (or maybe, I dumped the church leaders on him). 

However, I was shortly overcome with guilt and panic, out of fear that I had exposed my church leaders to temptation.

I do not know what transpired next, other than that the prayer meeting proceeded as usual.  My assumption is that the pimp did not become more pious, and the church leaders did not engage in anything impious.

My reaction 15 years ago was that I should not have invited or let the pimp into the church.  Looking back, I think a church which is able to attract and which does not drive away pimps, prostitutes and all sorts of other "imperfect" people through self-righteous grandstanding deserves some congratulation.  Such a church would I think be a truthful reflection of the love of Christ, just as Jesus was often found in the company of "tax collectors and sinners" (Luke 15 : 1).

"This man [ Jesus ] welcomes sinners and eats with them," sneered the self-righteous religious leaders in Luke 15.  But that is where I think the church needs and should try to be.

In response to a friend’s comment that the significance accorded to 11.11.11 bordered on the irrational, I commented that -

"Humans are sentimental creatures, sometimes at the expense of what is considered rationality.  To take cynicism to its extreme, why should birthdays, and wedding and death anniversaries be remembered / commemorated / celebrated ?  Is the married couple not a couple on other days ?  Am I not alive on non-birth days ?  Is the deceased alive on non-death anniversary days ?  Should the terrors of war not be remembered on non-Armistice Day days ?  Certains days and dates, and rituals, which we remember / commemorate / celebrate appear more silly than others (eg. horoscope), and some are more costly than others (eg. Valentines).  I think that all this is a search for a meaning greater than today, a search for a significance greater than what we can see in ourselves, a longing to be affirmed by people whom we think matter to us."

(The reference to Armistice Day has to do with the fact that 11 November is celebrated in many countries including Singapore (though not as a public holiday), as the day that hostilities in World War I ended).

My basis for writing the above lies partly in Ecclesiates 3 : 11, which states that God has "set eternity in the hearts of men".  I understand this to mean that humans are hardwired to look beyond the immediate - to "eternity" - for a greater meaning and significance in life.

On this note, one of the passages in the Bible which has stuck to my mind since I was a youth is Jeremiah 2 : 13, in which the prophet warns the Jews against digging "their own cisterns, cisterns which cannot hold water".  It conveys to my mind the image of people desperately pouring water into broken containers which leak water, a warning that we can try to find meaning and significance in things which do not bring lasting satisfaction, or a true sense of significance.

If we are indeed born with an impulse to search for significance, to look for a meaning beyond the immediate, then the challenge for us is to find to find meaning and significance in things which are true and which bring lasting satisfaction.  To this challenge, the Bible offers an answer using again the imagery of water, and in John 4 : 14 Jesus says -

"… whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.  Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

Some time ago I met a friend who asked if I could sing any of those extravagent songs in church proclaiming a deep and undying love for God.  I confessed that I could not.

I think that, for a variety of reasons, I have stopped doing so for some time.  It is not that I don’t care for God; I think and hope that I do.  But with a slightly better understanding of God’s grace (which comes as youthful impetuousness gives way to age), I have found myself unable to measure up to the Infinite, that whatever righteousness I may have - to borrow from the dramatic imagery in Isaiah 64 : 6 - is like filthy rags.

And so many times I have found more meaningful instead, those songs which remind me of God’s unconditional love, and my need to rely on God.

Like this Mandarin worship song which was playing during my drive home today.  Those who know me, will know that Mandarin is not one of my strengths, to say the least about my linguistic ability or lack thereof.  So while I could roughly make out it’s meaning, credit goes to the Beloved who helped me decipher it’s meaning more completely.

"One step by one step, this is the road of grace,
Your love, Your hand,
Holding me tightly to You.

One step by one step, this is the road of hope,
Your love, Your hand,
Guiding me through life’s journey."

It sounds a lot more elegant in Mandarin, of course.

I wrote this many months ago to a couple of friends, when I was in a better mood.  I always thought it would be too serious and boring to publish. 

But as a partial response to a comment that "why do we hear so many tragic stories to which there really is no way to see how they would be blessed by the … God of love?", here it is :

Hi all,

1. [ Today ] … we managed to talk about some very important and personal questions which is good.  If I could summarise what we said about suffering today, I think it would be :

(a)  from a rational perspective, suffering reminds us that we see a distinction between good and evil / good and bad, and we can see that only because there is a God who draws a distinction between good and evil / good and bad.  If there is no god as atheists would like to believe, then it does not matter whether anyone lives or dies, or how he dies.  We would be nothing more than highly evolved cockroaches.

(b)  from a man vis-à-vis God perspective, it is a reminder to be humble; that man does not have control over everything in his life.

(c)  from a personal growth perspective, personal suffering challenges us to grow and reflect the glory of God.  Everyone suffers in one way or another (and ultimately everyone will physically die in this lifetime).  This challenge to respond in a way that builds our Christlikeness, allows us to bless other with our Christlikeness, and helps us to identify with the struggles of non-Christians.  If Christians never suffered, we would never be able to identify with non-Christians who suffer, and we would not be able to show them the love of God in a meaningful way and bring them to Christ. 

(d)  from a Kingdom (ie. God’s bigger plan) perspective, suffering can glorify God.  In the gospels is an account of Jesus healing a man who was blind from birth.  Jesus said that the reason for that man’s blindness, is so that God would be glorified by the healing.  It’s not nice to learn that sometimes we have to suffer as part of God’s bigger plan, but it happens.

2. Two final points on suffering which I did not have a chance to mention :

(a)  from the perspective of God’s provision and grace, suffering is one of God’s ways of preventing us from doing more harm to ourselves or others.  Suffering is sometimes the result of wrong doing or bad decisions.  If there is no suffering in, say, contracting HIV/AIDS or in a car accident or in a heart attack or stroke, there would be nothing to prevent us from engaging in irresponsible sex, drunk driving or in eating unhealthily.

(b)  from the perspective of an individual and in connection with paragraph 1(d) above, there will probably be many times when we do not know the reason for suffering, whether to ourselves or to others.  This was the conclusion in Job – that God and His plans are far too great for Job to comprehend.  We cannot fully explain God or why everything that God does or allows (and if we could, He would no longer fit into the definition of “God”).  However, there is assurance in the fact that God loves us and walks with us in our suffering.  That is why, when Lazarus first died, Jesus wept – He identified with the people who were mourning the death.  For this reason, Jesus was not born in a palace, but in humble circumstances and He died a horrible (first) death — this is God’s commitment to identifying with our earthly suffering, a demonstration that while He will not spare us from the consequences of the fall from Eden, He is committed to being with us (“Emmanuel” or “God with us” was one of Jesus’ names).

"So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." (Steve Jobs)

I have yet to figure out why trusting in "whatever" is regarded as helpful and inspirational advice.  But it seems that in the current climate in which the untimely death of Steve Jobs is still fresh on our minds, that we cannot get away from quoting some of his nuggets of wisdom.  So during Alpha at the Workplace today I shared my belief (quoting Steve Jobs as some kind of pseudo-authority), that God would like us, whether we believe in Him or not, and whether Christian or not, to reflect on and connect the dots in our lives. 

These dots can take the form of a over-zealous Christian stuffing a pamphlet about Christianity in our hands while we’re walking down the street, or being overwhelmed by awe and wonder as we look at spectacular scenery, or even a sad or painful or tragic event – such as Steve Jobs’ untimely death – which reminds us of our mortality or human limitations. 

God speaks through these dots.  It is my belief that when we are quiet enough, attentive enough, and reflective enough, we will notice these small dots, and that these small dots when connected, point us back to God, and the direction which God wants us to take in our lives.

What I did not mention at Alpha today was that I had just turned 36, and that in the weeks prior to and the days after my birthday, I was desperately trying to find and connect the dots in my life.  Maybe this is some sort of midlife crisis (I am, after all, half dead).  But it is also perfectly me to be reflective, to try and find a deeper meaning in and purpose to events in my life.

Particularly the negative ones, like why I am born so short (I’m kidding).  The positive events I can generally deal with – if I work hard, conduct myself with integrity, am nice to people generally, and things fall into place, why should it surprise me when good results ?

It is the negative events – when something bad happens apparently at random or despite my best efforts to achieve a good outcome – which really gnaw at my inner being.  Is life totally random (and therefore completely meaningless) ?  Is God sleeping or non-existent (and there is therefore no God to worship) ?  Is God blind or unfair (and therefore unworthy of worship) ?

Philosophically and intellectually – is there a difference between the two terms ? – I have issues with settling for any the above conclusions.  Hence my ongoing quest for the holy grail of the meaning of and purpose in life.

(Maybe it is in writing.  Well, I hope that at least a part of it is in writing.  Maybe I’ll end up like Henri Nouwen – I don’t know, I honestly doubt that I’m so sacrificial – that’s just a random thought).

And because I have yet to find that specific overarching meaning and purpose, I find myself unable to seriously plan for anything.  I am, I think, seriously unambitious because I have yet to find that specific overarching meaning and purpose which points me in the direction which I should take, and I do not want to construct some grand plan for myself which I might later find inconsistent with the yet-to-be-found overarching meaning and purpose.  (Or maybe I’m just lazy.)

Which means I pretty much live from day to day.  I reflect deeply, try but usually fail to see the dots or how they connect, and sometimes end up depressed.  And so I told a friend partly in jest today (but not without a bit of pain) that “I don’t plan for anything in life.  I just think deeply about the present and get depressed”.

If there is one good thing about this – and here I have to say that it is one really, really good thing – it is that God has not dishonoured this (a statement in the double negative, friends often point out).  I have been blessed with much good in my lifetime, though I did not actively plan for it.  I did not plan to do what I am currently doing, to earn what I am currently earning, to excel and what I currently excel in (I think), but all that has happened to me.  I suppose many of my peers would be more successful by conventional standards, but I think there would also be many people who would not find my current position in life, intolerable.

"The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." (Psalms 16:16)

I am close to finishing the book of Jeremiah and have found it to be utterly depressing.  I thought it was depressing when I read it in the past, but now even more so.

Jeremiah 29 : 11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope" - is often quoted as an encouragement to Christians.

The context in which that promise was given is, however, hardly a cause for cheer.  Jerusalem was destroyed, it’s royal family killed, it’s inhabitants exiled to Babylon - punishment for disobedience to God - and the short period of peace for the survivors remaining in Jerusalem shattered by the assassination of the Babylonian-appointed governor, followed by the desperate flight of these survivors to Egypt which Jeremiah warned against (a warning which, as usual, went unheeded).

Even Jeremiah objects and complains to God about his miserable ministry as a prophet.  "Why me ?", I can almost hear him asking in Jeremiah 20.  "Why do You make me proclaim violence and destruction all day long ?".

Against this backdrop, Jeremiah 29 to 31 stands apart as one of the few passages in which Jeremiah speaks of hope and restoration.  But still I find myself grasping for hope - these promises would be fulfilled only 70 years from the time they were proclaimed.  A long time even today, when medical advancements allow many people to live beyond that.  Many in the generation of Jews who heard these promises, would not live to see it pass.

I am a shallow person.  I do not like to wait.  I like instant gratification.  So a few days ago as I went to bed depressed, I asked God if He could make me feel better when I woke up.

God’s reply was a reminder from a passage which I have not read for a long time, a passage aptly written by the very same person (ie. Jeremiah) who proclaimed and witnessed disaster around him but in another book, titled "Lamentations" (which, er, means "mourning" or "grieving") -

"… His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning,
great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3 : 22, 23)

And that is good enough for me.

One of the expectations that we have of our elected representatives to Parliament (a "member of Parliament" or "MP") is that the MP should be able to empathise with the man in the street (ie. us), and represent our interests before Parliament which enacts laws and before faceless Government bureaucrats who implement laws and policies.

However, in recent days, many people have expressed doubts as to whether their MPs are capable of doing so.  This is because the MPs are nowadays typically drawn from an upper middle class background : never having had to struggle with or encountered issues which the man in the street struggles with prior to entering politics, some of these issues being the affordability of public housing, providing for the family, healthcare, public transport and job security.

It therefore comes as no surprise that in the upcoming Presidential Elections, offers by candidates to stand as a "moral authority" or "conscience of the nation" against an impersonal Government appear to have resonated with the electorate.  Hopes are pinned on the Elected President as a High Priest to represent the common man before the the Government god, because people feel that they can no longer fully trust their MPs to do so.

The same charge may be brought against the institution of religion, in which religious adherents are told to follow rules and rituals demanded by a distant and impersonal god(s), who does not seem to care or make very much of our human struggles. 

In this backdrop of government and religion, we see a departure from the norm in the person of Jesus Christ.  The Bible in Hebrews 2 : 14 - 18 states that Jesus "too shared in [ our ] humanity … in order that He might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God … because He himself suffered when He was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted". 

Very briefly, the Bible is saying that it is not the case that God does not care or understand or is unable to identify with our struggles.  Jesus Christ has experienced the full spectrum of our humanity, and understands and identifies with our struggles and weaknesses :

1. In financial poverty, because He was not born and raised in a rich family, but to a humble carpenter father who could barely afford to make the lowliest gift to the temple at that time as thanksgiving for His birth (Luke 2 : 24).

2. In temptation to do what is morally wrong or to disobey God (Luke 4, Luke 22 : 39 - 44)

3. In guilt and shame, because the sin of the world was laid on Him on the cross (Isaiah 53 : 4 - 6, Mark 15 : 34)

4. In physical disease and pain, because He was tortured both before on during the crucifixion (Mark 15 : 15 - 37)

5. In rejection and emotional pain, because He was rejected and betrayed.

Through the above, Christians have confidence that all of our struggles are being represented by Jesus Christ to God, confidence that God will intervene at appropriate times to rescue us from difficulty, and the assurance that at all other times, God walks with us in our challenges.

Isaiah 53

2 [ Jesus ] grew up before him like a tender shoot,
   and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
   nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by mankind,
   a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
   he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
 4 Surely he took up our pain
   and bore our suffering,
yet we considered him punished by God,
   stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
   each of us has turned to our own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
   the iniquity of us all.
 7 He was oppressed and afflicted,
   yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
   and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
   so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
   Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
   for the transgression of my people he was punished.[b]
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
   and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
   nor was any deceit in his mouth.
 10 Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
   and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin,
…
12 …
For he bore the sin of many,
   and made intercession for the transgressors.

Does the Bible have anything to say in response my earlier “guide” on "How to be Unhappy" ?  Here are a few passages which I think are particularly meaningful -

1. Listen uncritically to shit-stirrers

I think the first is that irresponsible talk cause needless strife, is nothing less than evil, and is self-destructive.

"For as churning the milk produces butter,
and as twisting the nose produces blood,
so stirring up anger produces strife".  (Proverbs 30 : 33)

"… If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. … [T]he tongue is a small part of the body but it makes great boasts.  Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the bod.  It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire …" (James 3 : 2, 5 - 6).

2. Find Contentment in Nothing; Find Fault with Everything

One of the Christian disciplines is to say a little prayer before every meal.  This act of "giving thanks" to God is a reminder that the ability to eat and the provision of food are some of the many things in life to be grateful for. 

In Acts 27, the Apostle Paul and 276 other people were caught in a storm while on the Adriatic Sea for (over) two weeks.  Everyone thought that the ship would sink and that they would die (v 20). Even in the face of potential death, the Apostle Paul took time to thank God for the remaining food and for his ability to eat. Acts 27 : 35 records that Paul "took some bread and gave thanks to God in front of them all.  Then he broke it and began to eat".  (The ship ultimately sank but everyone was saved).

And in 1 Thessalonians 5 : 18, Paul encourages the Christians in Thessalonica to "give thanks in all circumstances".

3. Blame Everything on Everyone Else

While the Bible advocates social justice (see a previous post here), it also says that individuals must exercise responsibility for their personal well-being, and that of their families.

"A little sleep, a little slumber
a little folding of the hands to rest -
and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man." (Proverbs 6 : 10 - 11)

"If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." (Paul’s First Letter to Timothy 5 : 8)

"We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it.  On the contrary, we worked night and day, labouring and toiling so tat we would not be a burden to any of you.  We did not, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to make ourselves a model for you to follow.  For even when we were with you we gave you this rule: ‘If a man will not work, he shall not eat’.  We hear that some of you are idle.  They are not busy; they are busybodies.  Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the bread which they eat." (Paul’s Second Letter to the Thessalonians 3 : 6 - 12)

Having parted with a not small sum of money for a ridiculously small pendant for Joyce, I’m beginning to wonder how Christmas had morphed into this grand (and costly) tradition of giving gifts. 

It is certainly not there in the Bible.  There is only a brief reference to the wise men giving gifts to Jesus (Matthew 2 : 11), nothing about people exchanging gifts the way that we do today.

In line with the spirit of giving, for some (if not many), the general sense is that Christmas is also about sharing with and loving one another.  Is Christmas about sharing and love ?  I suppose so if, like me, you believe in the birth of Jesus (during Christmas) as a sign and manifestation of God’s love for people.  But in the Bible account King Herod had ordered the indiscriminate killing of little boys in Bethlehem during Christmas, because he feared that the baby Jesus (whom he could not locate) would one day grow up and take over him as King.  So much for love.

So what is Christmas about ?

I think it is very much about hope.  At one of the darkest moments in Israel’s history, whether you look at it politically, economically or spiritually, Jesus came and offered hope.  Gift giving and short term feelings of affection help us feel good today, but hope gives us something to look forward to, tomorrow.

"The people living in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.
…
For to us a child (ie. Jesus) is born,
to us a son is given,
…
And He will be called
Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."
- Isaiah 9 : 2, 6

In Exodus 3 God appears to Moses through a burning bush in the desert.  This marks God’s first (formal) appearance to the Israelite people, since the time of Abraham, Issac and Jacob.  Moses asks for His name.

God’s answer : "I AM who I AM" (verse 14).

And to the Israelites whom God sent Moses to lead out of Israel, Moses is instructed to say "I AM has sent me to you" (also verse 14).

I think the answer is pretty cool, in a totally cryptic and obscure way.  Anyone who speaks like that today will need to be sent to the Institute of Mental Health for a review.  I wonder if Moses thought that God was nuts too.

The meaning of God’s answer in Exodus 3 has always eluded me, and while I won’t pretend to understand it all now, a sentence in a book I read on the plane back from Perth has — I think — helped me understand it a little better.  The sentence, very simply, was -

"God is His own frame of reference."

God could have introduced Himself as the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob (which He does eventually), or as the Creator, or as a God of certain attributes (eg. Jehovah Jireh (the God who provides) or Jehovah Rapha (the God who Heals)).  However, if God had referred to something or someone else when introducing / describing Himself, God would have provided an incomplete description and limited our understanding of Him.

So God refers to Himself.  "I AM" who or that which "I AM".

What does this mean for Christians today ?

I think a lot of terms which Christians use for God today — such as "God", "Father", "Jesus" — are overlaid with meanings which we have drawn from our church leaders, the church culture, our society and our experiences.  Therefore, "God" means a stern, possibly boring divine overseer to a Christian from a traditional church, while the same "God" means a loving, forgiving, personal friend to a Christian from a non-traditional church.  Similarly, "Father" means a loving, personal parent to one, but a distant disciplinarian to another.

God is infinitely more than what we know or have experienced.  As finite humans we can never hope to know everything about an infinite God; our understanding of God will necessarily be finite.  Nonetheless, we must be careful not to allow ourselves to construct and worship an image of a one or even two-dimensional God, in place of the infinitely greater I AM.